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Bandar Lampung, 1 September 2010


Dear someone out of there,

I've tried to be better to you.
I've tried to surrender for you
I've tried to be blind from your egoistic
i've tried to be deaf from your poisonous words

I've acted like I'm the shield and you're the sword
I've acted like I'm the mom and you're the kid
I've acted like I'm the plague and you're the oasis
I've acted like I'm the dead one and you're the alive one

but why do I must to remember everything you have done to me ? No, thank you. Enough or i'd rather be killed if i must feel it once again. yesterday was yesterday. today is today. and tomorrow will be tomorrow. Now I'm pretending you're not insane and stop your grumbles. Thank you.

sincerely ,

someone inside of there

the meaning of flowers : ROSES

i love natural ways. and that's why i always admire all of flowers in this world. people usually confess their feelling with a very long long sentence until they know they've told it. but flowers make it simple. they can cut off all those long sentence into one word that has full of meanings. I love the philosophy of it. it's like every words that just keep in our throats can be replaced so easily by using the meaning of flowers.

i found out a website that shows every kinds of roses complete with its meaning. here it is the link : http://www.rosaflora-flowers.com/meaning-of-roses.html . there are so adorable kinds of roses that really amazed me . here they are :

1. Red Roses




















Red roses convey a simple message: "I love you". This makes them the ultimate symbol of romantic love and the most popular choice on Valentine’s Day. Other meanings for red roses include desire, passion, courage, respect, beauty and sincerity. A red rosebud symbolizes purity and loveliness.


2. Coral Roses













Coral roses speak of desire and passion.


3. Lilac or Lavender Roses
















Lilac roses reveal love at first sight or enchantment.


4. Orange Roses















Orange roses communicate desire, enthusiasm and fascination. They make an excellent choice for a new relationship that you wish to pursue further.

5. Peach Roses















Peach roses express gratitude, appreciation, admiration or sympathy. They can also convey sociability and friendship and send the message "Let's get together". A pale peach rose symbolizes modesty.

6. Pink Roses















In general, pink roses symbolize grace, gentility and happiness and express appreciation and gratitude.


7. Pale Pink Roses














Pale pink roses connote grace, joy, gentility and gratitude.

8. Light Pink Roses












Light pink roses suggest happiness and fun. Like all pink roses, they also convey admiration and appreciation.

9. Deep Pink Roses
















Deep pink roses say "Thank you". They also express appreciation, admiration, sincerity and sympathy.

10. White Roses












Second only to red roses in popularity, white roses symbolize truth and innocence. They also represent silence, secrecy, reverence, humility, youthfulness and charm. You can use them to say, "You're heavenly", "I miss you" and "I’m worthy of you". A white rosebud symbolizes girlhood.

11. Yellow Roses











Yellow roses symbolize friendship and freedom, so are not specifically romantic roses. They convey congratulations, joy, gladness and delight. But they also promise a new beginning, say "Welcome back" and "Remember me", and can convey jealousy and caring. Yellow roses with red tips convey friendship and falling in love.

12. Dead Roses












Dead roses in any color convey "It's over!"


i don't know if there's more kind of roses but i don't post them. later, i'll make sure myself to post again others flowers. could you see how wonderful they are ?

my fairy land (?)

I usually have fun with my spare time in my own lil' sweet room. being friend with my simple laptie and the window which is shown the world outside. i always make my own fairy land in this own place. everything is made here. my notes, my tears, my joyfullness, my fake friend and whatever. i'm the one who build the rules. and i'm the only one who deserve to break those rules. in this narrow but full of sweet tasted fairy land, my wide and long story life begin.

my first life starts with a group of books. i love words. . without those , i'm nothing . from those i learn how to talk, from those i also fill myself with meaning. these things have poisoned me successfully for becoming a dreamer.

.



my window is like flat screen. i can watch everything outside. just like watching tv but there's no channel so i can't choose what i want to see. it controll itself, not me. i'm just a spectator , waiting for the next show which i never can expect before. but tell you the truth . the most beautiful part that my "flat screen" usually shows is the view of rain in the afternoon. that is my favorite show, no other things can take it out from my heart.

.

i miss that cute side

there is one step for every person in this. The step when they know something uncommon in their lives. The step where they learn to be the real man. And the step which they use to appriciate what love is for. Love is affection. Love is a warm color of life. When a father give a tight hug for his children , that is what people usually called. When a lil' boy looks after his puppy dog , his adorable attraction is what we also call as love. And when a couple confess their feeling each other there's nothing but they will just say i love you to each other.

In every single place in world is filled by a huge cup of love. Although each place has its own way to say it. But it has same meaning. The truth meaning of sweet affection.

Child is the one who has the sweetest love. They can convey their love easily and loudly. They are like strong witches but with sweet magic wand. They don't have any yellow streak. Saying such love and adorable magic spell. They are the only ones who have the purest love than the others. It makes us envious, isn't it? When the age is getting older and older and we started to change point of view. The cute side has lost, and i've missed it so much.

dream

  • i have dreams. and i keep it so long since i was kid. everybody has own dreams to make it come true and so do I. I have a list of dreams that have been knock in my head's wall. but i recognized from long time ago that all of my dream will not be come true entirely. i know my dreams have been divided into two parts at least. the first is what I called the granted ones and the second is the ungranted ones at first. but since the life goes, i don't like the idea to call the second as ungranted things. i rather chose the postponed ones than the one i said first. I believe that it won't be imposibble if someday i can make it true. well i don't know what it's like but that like a surprise box that you'll never know what is inside. the thing that i should do is by letting it flow and emerge myself in the river named "life".
Dreams - The Canberries

Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And my dreams it's never quiet as it seems
Never quiet as it seems

I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they'll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

Oh, my life is changing every day
In every possible way
And my dreams it's never quiet as it seems
'Cause you're a dream to me, dream to me




  • yes i'm a dreamer. dreamer is not like a dork or whatever. and i'm not the only one in this world as a dreamer.
You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one.
(John Lennon, Imagine)




I'm A Dreamer - Amber

Love, life, and laughter
Is all I believe
My savior is pure now
Because my lonely heart would plead
I never learned how to hold love
And stay strong to love
Now I close my eyes now
And I'm dreamin right were I belong!
Oh, Oh, Oh

Here we lie all alone and I'm a dreaming
Your as smooth as my soul its unbelieving
Now you see the me you got me feeling
I'm a feeling
I feel your hands on my lips
The heat of your body
whisper you love me, say you love me
please just love me, tell me never leave me
I'm a Dreamer [x2]
oh oh oh!!!
I am I a dreamer
I am I a dreamer

Love, life, and laughter
Is all I believe
My savior is pure now
Because my lonely heart would plead
I never learned how to hold love
And stay strong to love
Now I close my eyes now
And I'm dreamin right were I belong!
Oh, Oh, Oh

Here we lie all alone and I'm a dreaming
Your as smooth as my soul its unbelieving
Now you see the me you got me feeling
I'm a feeling
I feel your hands on my lips
The heat of your body
whisper you love me, say you love me
please just love me, tell me never leave me
I'm a Dreamer [x2]

Am I a dreamer
Am I a dreamer

Am I a dreamer
Am I am I a dreamer

FEAR

fear is not something that is odd for me. I do believe all creatures in this world have their own fears. and i have them a lot. during my lifetime, there are so many kinds of fear that i've learned. i'm scared to be alone. i'm scared with ghost. i'm scared with opinions from other people about me. yes, i have quite many fears. people said, "life is nothing if you never know the fear itself. fear makes your move slow down but once you win against it, you'll be meaningful". i don't remember exactly where i've heard this words before but they were just like a fog interrupted my mind. I know it well.

fear is like a little sweet challenged thing once you make the road together with it , and become like a poisonous cake when you have separated way with it. fear is not real. fear pretends to be like a living creature and once you discovered it , fear is just one part of your thinking way. yeah, I've known it , felt the tense, and struggled to let myself out from its trap. sometimes i find myself get stuck, but there are some times i can kick it down. it was so estathic for me realize i've broken down that dummy fear. it made me so happy. so fear is not so scared until you find out the part that makes you fun to enjoy it . that's all for what i've learned.